Monday was my wedding anniversary, and yesterday was the anniversary of Aaron and I getting together. Yesterday I learnt that my aunt had died, she had died a little while ago and that today was her funeral. None of the family told me, I learnt through facebook. I am utterly gutted, heartbroken and rejected. I felt that the family didn’t want to know me, but this, this just clarifies it for me. That pain, right there that im feeling, that bloody hurts right to the core. Ive cried so much and when I think ive cried myself dry, I cry some more.
I guess the realisation that I actually have no family on both my mother and father sides. I really am the runt of the family, through no fault of my own. Im hurting so much, a message would have been nice, even if just to say your aunt has passed away, but we don’t want you at the funeral etc, I could have dealt with that, but this, this is setting me back so much.
Just imagine, for a moment, that your whole family turned its back on you, that you literally had no family, that their views on you were based on your abusive mother and her actions, your tarred off under the same brush they tarred her off with. Your excluded, and called some really hurtful names by your cousins, you basically tell you to move on with your life, yeah if it was easy as that don’t they think I would have done that by now!!
My heart is literally tearing in two right now. I feel I am the most awful person in the world, for my whole family to turn their backs on me, to reject me and abandon me into the cold like this. No one see’s me all they see is my mother.